I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
