Whoa Z and x make the same sound
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
