Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
