I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
