I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
