I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
