woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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