I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
