This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
