Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
