Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
