By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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