oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
