I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
