I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
