Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
