This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
