She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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