Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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