I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
