but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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