Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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