In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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