it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I enjoy the company of your penis
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
