I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
