i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
