So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I want her autograph on my taint
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
