So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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