Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
