Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
