you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
