Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
