I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
