Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
