Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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