You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
