I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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