what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
