Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm bleeding and have questions
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
