Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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