how can u be prego again
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
