Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
