it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
