we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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