U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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