I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
