I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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