I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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