Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
