rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
