awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
