there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
pop tarts are not kleenex
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
