none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
