She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
